Boys VS Girls….very long

Posted by georgieporgie on March 18, 2008

I really didn’t know what to name this blog…it coulda been “I’m NOT one of THOSE moms!” or “Boys duke it out” or one of any other number of things that came to my mind while typing this…but I guess I am sticking with Boys vs Girls. Because I have dealt with far more girl fights vs boy fights…GOD HELP US ALL!

 Do you know that when girls get into a fight they handle it differently than boys? Boy did I ever get schooled this weekend on how boys handle their differences…Girls well they are nasty and malicious,they try and turn others against you-they use words! Hell everyone one knows…”sticks and stones” I can so handle girls-well sorta…maybe, BUT BOYS? 

I think in a previous blog I mentioned middle bean being “left out” or dumped by his friends one weekend. Well Saturday everything came to a head or end or…

I got a call from middle bean Saturday evening, he sounded out of breath and like he had been crying(something I am reminded of BOY’S DO NOT DO! ok ok if ya say so…) I could barely understand him and I heard lots of screaming in the background. I panic and I mean literally panic,middle bean sense’s this and yells to “whoever” is in the background to “Chill out, can’t I even make a call to my mom in private?” he says. Finally he asks me to come and get him, that him and his bestie got into a fight “A fight?” I say “Mom don’t start, just please come and get me”

I wanna stop here and say middle beans bestie has been his bestie since 1st grade and we know his parents very well…both parents work and they have an Auntie that lives in thier home to help out, middle beans bestie also has 3 older siblings 2  boy college age beans(maybe they are adults now BUT that is 100% debatable IMHO) and a girl senior sister-bean. They really don’t know what is going on in their beans lives BECAUSE they are NOT present! BUT they trust their beans and have the auntie sooo they think all is well(I at this point don’t wanna sound hostile and I DO believe EVERY parent should trust their beans!-BUT….I also don’t wanna be “one of those parents”)…I on the OTHER hand, have WAY to much time on hands and I know EVERYTHING(well almost everything) there is to know about my beans…NOT because I pry BUT because they share(is this roots? Good GOD please tell me I have done something right!) and because I sub at their school…kinda hard to hide from things when you sub there…yanno? And don’t think for one second I haven’t heard it all…I even had had one bean ask me what middle bean hates to be called so he could make fun of him! Are these beans really that dense that they would ask the parent this stuff AND do they really think the parent would respond??? This is our future! Good Grief I so hope they Mature!!!

Sorry for the above rant…

So I arrive at his bestie’s house and middle bean is no where to be found, however, I am met like I am a Rock Star-it seems everyone in the neighborhood turned up for my arrival. Middle beans bestie tells me that him and middle bean got in a fight and “HE”isn’t sure why-he is very shakey, then bestie’s Aunt proceeds to spew all this horrible stuff about middle bean, like he “ran away” and he called one of the neighborhood girls a “dick”and he called his bestie a “Jew”etc… I just personally bite my tongue and let her say whatever it is she feels like she needs to get off her chestie…I am trying to practice the rule of “Think before you speak” I am proud of myself for practicing this…

Middle bean finally makes his grand appearance by throwing his bag into the back seat and slamming the car door. I ask him to get out and join us and I Politely ask that the paparazzi  cease and de-sist…the paps comply,middle bean not so much. He is VERY upset and I can tell it is time to go and let him cool off, BUT not before I ask him to apologize to his bestie’s Aunt, she was walking down the street concerned she couldn’t find middle bean and he had scared her and been disrespectful. He complied…

Once home,I ask middle bean to shower and then we will chat(boys are smelly yanno-I never knew this-in THIS sense-I didn’t have brothers!) He has a bloody lip and a huge bite mark on his arm(biting is so what 1 to 2 yr old) goodness

So he is squeaky clean and he crawls in to bed with me and we chat: before we get into the chat I tell him….you CAN NOT TALK LIKE THAT!!!! He is well embarressed he knows better,he screwed up,he sais something he shouldn’t have he was pushed to his limits-so he tells me….(I know boys will be boys and they DO talk like this-THANK YOU SOUTH PARK!) some of this stuff I already knew, Like the fact that he was dumped a few weekends ago,that his bestie has been kickin him and pushing him at school etc…what I didn’t know was that they has been getting into actual “physical” fights yanno punching until ya bleed kinda fights and that on Saturday they got into one of those punchin, bleedin fights and middle beans bestie’s older brother had ummm “egg’d” them on…NOW I know what your thinking Where in the HELL-FIRE was/were the parents??? My thoughts too! Apparently they fought so much that day middle bean had enough-hence the call to me…

Well I gotta tell ya I am heart-broken! First I knew for a fact that middle beans bestie’s parents HAD NO CLUE what was going on-when I type/say this I mean it-the older siblings are the ones who carpool not the parents! Second I was quite pissed off to listen to the Aunt saying middle bean did this and middle bean did that…without for one second stopping and thinking what role did my child/nephew play in this? HENCE the whole NOT my Child mentality! Yanno I really feel sorry for those parents, no really I do, THOSE type of parents are the ones who have their children end up in trouble with the law at a later date yet still have the nerve to say NOT MY CHILD!

After our very long talk,I let middle bean know that I plan on calling his bestie’s parents-something that for a boy bean can be the KISS OF DEATH! Because they are ummm MALE and they don’t need their Moms sticking their noses in stuffs…but middle bean didn’t protest-I hugged him,kissed him and told him IF he had lied to me, well I would find out!

It doesn’t help  that I had NO place to vent…

1)lovely county was down

2) my blog was down

3) the geekster was down

4) my email was down

5)this is NOT how I roll…

6)I had a parent to call

So Sunday comes and well I make that call to the other mom and I am met yet again with all the horrible things my bean has done and said (keep in mind they have NEVER-EVER had a problem with middle bean before) so I listen and I listen….then I start stating facts that I know and can prove and it all of a sudden it gets hauntingly quiet….and the tone turns to OH OK and I am finally heard…they are listening to me…they REALLY are listening to me-it is prolly cause I have proof that contradicts what their bean has said that makes their ears perk up….but non-the-less they are listening….

Middle bean gets a call later that night asking if I can bring him over for a “family” discussion(what should I bring MY family? are we gonna be ganged up on? did they REALLY listen to me?) I do what any mom with “proof” would do…I go…

Yanno that weekend he was ditched-well he was invited to a Christain Concert only to be told they didn’t have room for him….he was invited a week in advance and at the last minute he is told sorrrrryyyyy we don’t have room for you….I find out during the above phone conversation that the parents didn’t even know this happened-hence the family meeting I am certain!

So we show up, middle bean and myself and at first it is still a lot of well, middle bean did this and middle bean did that…UNTIL I started speaking my mind…in a very nice way of course-again I gotta tell ya-these parents that truly think their beans can do wrong-well I feel for ya…

I first and foremost had middle bean apologize for his language(we have always told him his mouth WILL get him in to trouble) We are not your typical parents so we have this open relationship with our beans and well their actions they are accountable for…We can only help out so much …so he apologizes, then I discuss all this pushing and kicking and middle beans bestie is blown away that when I subbed I saw it…and he comes clean, I also address his language barrier via text messages with my oldest bean, again I am met with shock, WOW a parent that actually knows whats going on…WOW a parent that will say something! He had a lot of explaining to do…to say the least-I am NOT proud of the fact that I had to give another parent information about their child…thats never easy NO matter what side your on! The Good Lord Knows I had Heard my fair share of bad-mouthing and info on my middle bean…but still it didnt make me feel good to provide that info…

Then the parents ask middle bean what else has been goin on and he informs them that THEIR children call him “GINGER” at first I am like wait, thats my weenee dogggers name BUT NOPE it is a derogatory statement to him because he is a red-haired freckled faced lil bean…I am truly saddened that my middle bean has gone through this AND with his bestie AND that he thought it was OK!

The “family” meeting was good I think a lot of eyes were opened and I do think things will get better from here…boys are different than girls…they don’t question friendships,they just deal with the name callin,the fightin,the the the…SO, SHOULD you write off your friends???? (and some may question me here BUT I CAN’T CHOOSE THEIR FRIENDS!!!!!)….welll I don’t think so, boys are so different than girls! Just because someone wrongs ya doesn’t mean you write them off…especially at the ripe ol’ age of 12…They are young,they have to make mistakes and they have to learn from all of the above…whether they are to blame or not….will this be the last fight they get into? Hell NO! am I a bad parent for knowng this? Hell NO! Is there a damn thing I can do about it? Hell No!!!!!! I CAN’T CHOOSE THEIR FRIENDS!

My confesssion for today: my beans are NOT perfect and I know it! BUT they are damn close! and I LOVE them!